Nothing to Prove

Have you ever been so deep in your own shit that you talked yourself of something that deeeeeep deep down, you knew was meant for you?

I’ve spent a lifetime trying to prove my worth. Working so hard to earn the right to take up space in this world, to prove that I am capable and deserving of my dreams.

What began as a childhood need for security and belonging, grew into a lifelong pattern of playing small and feeling deeply, constantly, unworthy. I learned to choose the path that felt easy. I taught myself that it was only safe to exist in spaces where I could prove my worthiness, where I could earn the right to belong.

And in choosing the path that felt easy—I learned to ignore the path that felt true. Because somehow, somewhere along the way, I attached myself to the belief that I didn’t deserve the life that was calling out to me. That it was safer to live in the shadow of my own potential than to risk being burned by my own light.

Even as I show up here today…I find myself hesitating. Fighting the powerful urge to explain myself, to justify my time away, to earn the right to take up space in your inbox again. But honestly? I don’t want to explain anything. I just want to show up as I am, to pick up where we left off. To stop trying to prove and instead continue moving forward unapologetically in my own truth.

Earlier this month I spent a weekend at The Omega Institute. I attended Letters From Your Future Self, a weekend writing and meditation workshop led by my favorite author and greatest expander: Brianna Wiest.

The moment I found out it was happening—I knew I had to go.

But in the months leading up the event, I talked myself out of it. I told myself it was selfish, and that the timing was all wrong. Looking back, I must have known on some level that saying yes would mean facing everything I’d been hiding from.

In truth, I’d been calling in an opportunity like this for years. I’d even written it on my manifestation list for this year. But when it finally arrived, I didn’t worthy of saying yes. Like I’d received an invitation I’d always wanted but had never earned. How could I belong in space that I didn’t think I deserved?

Eventually, I snapped out of it and bought the damn plane ticket. Thank God.

Never in my life have I experienced such a safe container, such potent synchronicity, and such magnificent vulnerability. Even weeks later, I keep getting hit with these wild waves of clarity. The kind of truth that is so potent and loud that it wakes me up in the middle of the night, demanding to be recognized and understood.

I am still processing and integrating. I have yet to find the words to fully explain the depth at which this experience impacted me. But I will tell you this: Everything I was so afraid of? The opposite was true.

How often does an opportunity we’ve been asking for land at our feet—only for us to hesitate because we’re doubting our own worth? Why is it so easy to convince ourselves that we haven’t earned the right be where we want to be? That we must prove that we are deserving of our dreams?

What if it was never about deservingness but rather authenticity? What if all we need to do is choose what is deeply and fully true? What if we actually never had anything to prove?

When we get caught up trying to prove ourselves, we fail to notice the magic that we create by simply being ourselves. I can’t help but wonder what kind of world we would create if we all stopped trying to prove our worth, and instead stepped fully an unapologetically into our truth.

Love Always,

PS - My sweet readers, I’ve missed you!!!! This community has truly been such a powerful and safe space for me over the last year, and it feels soooo good to be back. How are you? What have you been creating lately? I want to hear all about your summer and everything that has been coming up for you in this season. Let’s reconnect in the comments? Sending you so much love. xx